


Manhattan Manifesto

by Thrysce (booooooooof)



Category: Weekend Update (SNL)
Genre: Divorce, M/M, this fic starts with them already broken up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 13:05:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14694819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booooooooof/pseuds/Thrysce
Summary: A love letter to NYC and the one who got away.





	Manhattan Manifesto

They had been trying to work on this segment for months but no one could seem to get the reservations or knew who to talk to to get access. Seth had remained purposefully aloof about the whole thing but now they were getting desperate.  
  
Everyone on TV wanted to be the first to do a segment on the popular but secret pop-up clubs that had all gone viral this year. But the invites were exclusive and no one knew how to go about getting invited.  
  
Well, one person certainly came to mind, but everyone had been rather kind in leaving that angle be. Until now. Seth knew it was coming. He had already resigned himself.  
  
“Don’t you know anyone?” someone finally pointed the question at him.  
  
Seth had been waiting for that particular question. His impromptu wedding to Stefon four years ago had been broadcast live and across at least two whole nations. They’d made it into a fair number of newspapers as well. Years later, it was still something that came up occasionally.  
  
But no one had followed the story of the rapid breakdown of their marriage and those parts had been, thankfully, mostly kept private. It had seemed a long time ago, and was something Seth had learned to gracefully side-step in interviews.  
  
“Why would I know someone?” Seth replied, “Who would I know?”  
  
“I mean…” the other person seemed to understand their question wasn’t entirely appropriate.  
  
Seth took pity on him, “Are you asking me if I still talk to my ex?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
Seth sighed, “I haven’t heard from Stefon in years.”  
  
“Do you think he’d talk to me if I looked him up?”  
  
Seth thought about it. He was pretty sure he could dig up Stefon’s number but he didn’t know if he wanted to hand it off to anyone else. “Maybe I better do it myself,” he decided.  
  
The way his co-workers’ eyes lit up pretty much sealed the deal. Seth was going to have to at least _try_ and go through with this.  
  
  
It actually hadn’t taken too much effort. Seth easily tracked down Stefon’s number and Stefon even answered on the first try. Even the initial conversation hadn’t been horrible. Seth apologized and maybe even grovelled a little and explained the situation. He made it clear that Stefon didn’t have to help him at all if he didn’t want to and Seth would understand. They hadn’t parted on VERY bad terms, it was about as amicable as Seth could have hoped, but with the dramatics they’d caused with their whimsical nuptials and then their rather boring break up, Seth couldn’t be sure. Much to his surprise and delight, Stefon said, “Sure, meet me tonight,” and Seth had gotten an address.  
  
Seth was nervous. They hadn’t seen each other in a long time. There had been some drunken phone calls over the years, but nothing substantial or damning. Seth was afraid things would be really awkward but what really worried him was the way his stomach filled with butterflies and the way his heart raced when he walked up to the club to see Stefon leaning against the wall waiting for him.  
  
He looked good. Really good. He also looked different than the last time Seth had seen him. He looked more confident maybe, his stance was a bit wider, his clothes were nice too, not the same shirt that he used to love. But his style was still _Stefon_ in essence. Only less club kid and a bit more grown up. His hair was missing his old blonde highlights and it looked like he didn’t use his straightener as religiously.  
  
“Hi,” Stefon said and Seth’s stomach was doing flips again.  
  
“Hi, Stefon,” Seth said, “I can’t thank you enough for this.”  
  
Stefon shrugged, “It’s nothing, a favour for an old friend.”  
  
Seth was aware that Stefon was being gracious and Seth was really, really grateful for that. But the way he’d said ‘old friend’ sort of made Seth’s skin crawl. They’d been more than that hadn’t they? It bothered Seth immediately to think that Stefon thought of him as something like ‘someone I used to know’ and not ‘ex-husband’ as Seth had always thought. He knew he had no right to think that way, especially not right now when Stefon was helping him out in a huge way, but it was there none-the-less.  
  
They got inside when Stefon whispered something to the bouncer that Seth assumed was the password. Inside was what Seth would describe as a techno neon-colored nightmare. There were elves and ents and everything was pulsing and covered in moss and glow-in-the-dark paint. The people on the dance floor moved in sync like they were hypnotised and when someone caught a glimpse of Stefon, a cheer rose up out of nowhere.  
  
Seth looked at Stefon. Stefon was focused on the small crowd. He smiled and waved and a few of the dancers came over to greet them. “Stefon! We’ve missed you!”  
  
Stefon hugged them one by one. “I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy. This is my friend, Seth.”  
  
Again, the casual way Stefon referred to him made Seth feel a little on edge. It shouldn’t bother him, because that was what he’d wanted. He also thought that if they could work their way to _being_ friends again, it would be all the best for them. But it still made Seth uncomfortable for mysterious reasons he couldn’t afford to analyze right now.  
  
Seth found a seat by the bar and was typing all the details of the place into his phone. He couldn’t get all distracted and nostalgic, the whole reason he was here was to work. He split his time typing and watching Stefon because the whole place had seemed to light up when Stefon came in. Everyone seemed to know him and from where Seth was sitting, Stefon seemed to be the same as he remembered him. Charismatic, kind, and a _really_ good dancer.  
  
After about an hour, Stefon returned to him. “Are you ready to go?”  
  
Seth downed the rest of his drink, “Yes.”  
  
Stefon said a round of goodbyes and they made their way outside.  
  
Seth had a list of the places he wanted to see and Stefon had promised to take him to as many of them as he could stand. The next one was close-ish but too far to walk, so Seth was trying to hail them a cab.  
  
“So how have you been?” Stefon asked from somewhere behind him.  
  
Seth waved at another taxi that was passing without much luck. “Oh. Um, good,” he said because this casual and impassive conversation was so strange. Stefon didn’t usually do small talk like this.  
  
“That’s good,” Stefon said.  
  
“How about you?” Seth asked because it seemed like he should try and be a little more friendly too.  
  
“Great,” Stefon said and they fell into an awkward silence. They’d never had to do this before. But Seth felt like maybe that was the best they could hope for right now. Being civil. Seth still sort of felt like Stefon should hate him and was sort of confused why he didn’t. But he wasn’t going to ask. Not tonight when he was supposed to be technically working on this story.  
  
They finally got a cab and they headed to GL1TCH.  
  
At the door, Stefon made a face that Seth knew he’d never be able to emulate and they got inside.  
  
The theme of this club seemed to be ‘computer apocalypse’ and most of the place was covered in electrical waste. It was hard to tell who was and wasn’t a robot. Seth saw two Terminators making out on the dance floor and the bar tender had a K9 unit taking orders.  
  
Everyone here seemed to know Stefon too. One of the previously preoccupied Terminators came over to talk to them. “You haven’t been around lately.”  
  
For the life of him, Seth could not tell if this was a real machine or not. The costume was so real, if it _was_ a costume. Seth didn’t want to believe that Stefon knew a real-life Terminator, but then, Stefon had always surprised him.  
  
“Yeah,” Stefon said, looking distractedly at the dance floor, “I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy. But I came to Fight Fright Night, didn’t I?”  
  
Seth couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought the Terminator was smiling, “Yeah, we partied all night.”  
  
Stefon gave it a small smile, or maybe it was a smirk, but it made Seth jittery.  
  
“What is Fight Fright Night?”  
  
Seth pulled his eyes from the Terminator with a bit of reluctance, in Seth’s opinion, “You know, it’s that thing that happens in Terminator 2: Judgement Day when Arnold Buffinator drives the car through the wall?”  
  
Seth wasn’t sure he wanted an elaboration on that. “Oh,” he said.  
  
They stayed at GL1TCH a bit longer than they’d stayed at YOWAZA and as they were leaving Stefon asked him, “How drunk are you?”  
  
Seth shook his head, “I only had one beer at each place. This is work, remember?”  
  
Stefon hummed, “Good. I’m defending champion and I don’t want to lose.”  
  
Seth didn’t know what that meant, but he followed Stefon into the back of the cab and they were speeding along to the next place.  
  
They arrived at _Poshible_ and inside was unlike any club Seth had ever been to or heard of, mostly because it was just a huge kitchen. An alarm went off and a voice over a loudspeaker announced to the gathered crowd, “Places! We’re about to get this party started! In one corner we have the queen of tarts Maglumie Bedford! And in the other corner, we have the legend himself, STEFON.” The crowd screamed and Seth found himself being pushed. He reached out and grabbed Stefon’s arm on pure instinct and Stefon handed him an apron. Seth looked blankly down at it.  
  
“Put that on,” Stefon said and Seth did without question.  
  
Then they found themselves in the circle of a spotlight while the audience banged pots all around them. Seth was starting to panic but then a voice boomed “START!” and a flood of lights surrounded them and they really were in a kitchen. Stefon started handing him things to mix and prep and Seth was so confused that he just did whatever Stefon directed because that was easier than trying to figure out what was happening.  
  
It was sort of hard to concentrate when the loud voice kept heckling him. “Looks like STEFON’s Second is lagging. What are you doing Mister Suit? This is a DUEL!”  
  
Seth was still confused and sort of scared, but it was easy when Stefon just handed him things and said “Mix that” or “Preheat the oven” or “Ignore Mephistopheles, he’s like that to everyone”.  
  
They actually worked pretty well together under the immense pressure that the audience and Mephistopheles, the ring-master, put on them. Seth could tell that Stefon had done all this before so he kept his mouth shut most of the time and went where Stefon told him to. After about half an hour, they had some kind of pie and a bell rang signalling everyone to put their hands in the air. Seth tried to make one last adjustment but Stefon grabbed his hand and held it into the air. “It’s best not to test his patience,” Stefon explained.  
  
Then the ring master himself came out of the shadows where he had heckled them all this time and Seth was shocked at the rather short man in a crown and devil horns that appeared. He gave Stefon a look and Seth a colder one. “Let’s see if you’ve done the impossible once again,” Mephistopheles said and took Stefon by the hand.  
  
He also took Maglumie Bedford’s hand and pulled them both into the center spot light. He backed away a little bit to let the two contenders face each other.  
  
“Well,” Maglumie said, her nose in the air, “I’m not sure why everyone was betting against _me_ when I’m the only one with a culinary degree.”  
  
“Watching Yolanda doesn’t count as a ‘degree’, Maglumie,” Stefon rolled his eyes.  
  
“I have a _real_ food art degree, which is more than I can say for you.”  
  
“Well there’s no accounting for taste, I suppose.”  
  
Maglumie sent Seth a look, “ _Clearly_.”  
  
Seth couldn’t see Stefon’s face because he was facing the audience, but he heard the hardness in his voice, “Leave him out of this.”  
  
Maglumie gave a high-pitched laugh, “Isn’t he that Late Night anchor who broke your heart?”  
  
The words caused Seth to go white in the face. He found himself holding his breath in anticipation of Stefon’s answer.  
  
“That was a long time ago,” Stefon said.  
  
Maglumie shot Seth a quick glance that said she didn’t believe him at all.  
  
“We’re just friends,” Stefon said and Seth felt his heart contract in his chest.  
  
“Well let’s see if he’s a better sous chef than he is comedian.”  
  
There was a smattering of chatter and excitement from the audience at the trash talking and when everyone turned their attention back to Mephistopheles, he was set up on a dais with the two dishes in front of him.  
  
Stefon and Maglumie knelt before the dais and lowered their heads. Seth watched in horrified wonder as Mephistopheles took a bite from one dish and then the other. This was truly the most bizarre pie contest Seth had ever seen.  
  
Mephistopheles hummed and hawed for a long time in deliberation that Seth was sure he was only doing for pure spectacle Then he stood up and someone handed him a sceptre. “And the winner of tonight’s Food Fight…” he lingered and swung his sceptre around before announcing, “Our reigning champion, Stefon!”  
  
The crowd screamed and cheered and some booed and Maglumie was escorted to a chair and forced to sit in it. Before Seth could ask what was happening, the pie she had made was launched at her face and apple dripped down her chin into her lap.  
  
Stefon took an envelope from a man dressed as a knight and then grabbed Seth’s hand, “Let’s get out of here, Lucinda is waiting for us at BOOTS.”  
  
Seth let Stefon pull him out of the kitchen/club and they were back on the city streets with the moon bright above them. Out here you couldn’t hear the screaming or yelling of the crowd inside. Seth felt like he had just woken up from a bizarre dream.  
  
Seth tried to get them a cab. He didn’t know why he always had such trouble when Stefon never seemed to. He glanced at Stefon who was counting the Monopoly money that had come from the envelope he’d been given. Seth wasn’t drunk but apparently his common sense had taken a hiatus because he asked, “Did I really break your heart?”  
  
They had never talked about it. They had eloped and then divorced in rather quick succession. And other than the one or two drunk calls that had sort of been about nothing anyway, Seth had had no idea what Stefon had been doing the past four years. But it pained him to think that Stefon had had to nurse a broken heart. He had sort of assumed Stefon had shaken it off like he did with everything. Seth himself hadn’t been too bad. He’d been sad and a tad depressed but he’d thrown himself into work. He’d been able to distract himself enough to not think about Stefon even though sometimes when he was alone with nothing to do, he couldn’t help it.  
  
“Oh, that was just trash talk. We have to do it during every Bake Off or the audience gets bored.”  
  
That wasn’t really an answer, Seth thought, but he didn’t feel comfortable prying further. They still had a long night ahead of them and Seth needed to get the club details down. He finally got a cab and they had a silent ride to the next place. Seth stared at his phone, telling himself he needed to get every detail, but really he just wanted to avoid looking at Stefon.  
  
They hit up three more clubs before heading to Clash. All varying levels of scary, arousing, and plain bizarre.  
  
In the back of yet another cab, Seth had had a little more than beer at the last places and his filter was malfunctioning. “Why did you agree to help me?”  
  
Stefon shrugged and didn’t look away from the window he was staring out of, “You would have done the same for me.”  
  
Seth fell silent as he realized that was true. All Stefon had to do was call and Seth would help as best he could. Seth was very glad they weren’t bitter exes.  
  
“I’m having a lot of fun,” Seth said. He felt it was important to say. He wanted Stefon to know. He had forgotten how much fun he’d always had with Stefon.  
  
Stefon turned away from the window. “I’m glad.”  
  
The malfunctioning filter was at it again, “Are you seeing anyone?”  
  
Seth recognized his mistake as soon as Stefon’s posture went suddenly rigid. In Seth’s mind, he had told himself it was a friendly question, but now that he’d spoken it into existence, he heard it for the come-on that it was.  
  
“You’re drunk,” was Stefon’s answer.  
  
Seth could have went along with that, could have taken the ‘out’ Stefon was giving him. He could have taken it back, denied it, or even apologized, “I’m not _that_ drunk.”  
  
Stefon watched him for a long moment before saying, “Do you actually want to know?”  
  
Stefon’s non-answer caused him to panic. Seth realized that the only answer he wanted to hear was, _I’m available_. “No,” Seth decided grouchily and because he was already acting like a baby, he crossed his arms and glared out the window.  
  
A week ago Seth would have sworn he was over Stefon. That he’d moved on and rarely thought about the other man anymore. But now here he was, pouting in the back of a cab because he thought that Stefon probably had a boyfriend.  
  
Clash was more a traditional club, Stefon called it “Vintage Bloodbath” and Seth never thought that he’d see human troll dolls and think that was ‘normal’, but being with Stefon made all sorts of things normal. There was a pang in Seth’s heart as he thought it.  
  
Seth remembered Melvin in a Dress and held out his hand to shake. But Melvin gave him a venomous glare instead, “What’s he doing here?” he asked Stefon. Seth was taken aback, he’d only met Melvin a couple of times.  
  
Stefon grabbed Melvin’s hand, “I’m helping him with a segment.”  
  
Melvin looked back and forth between them. Then he pulled Stefon close and whispered something in Stefon’s ear. When Stefon pulled away, he kissed Melvin on the cheek. “I promise, I’m fine.”  
  
It occurred to Seth belatedly that Stefon’s friends had probably all heard what happened and apparently some of them hadn’t given Seth any of the forgiveness that Stefon had. Seth tried not to take it personal, he was sure that if one of his best friends had been hurt by a past lover, he’d be slow to forgive too.  
  
At Clash, once again, everyone seemed to know and love Stefon. He was asked to dance at least fifteen times and Stefon would accept and leave Seth sitting alone at their table. Seth watched everything, convincing himself that he needed to remember the details for work, but he was also reminding himself why he and Stefon could never have worked. This was Stefon’s world and Seth was an outsider. Stefon had invited him out many times and the few times Seth had gone, they’d always had a good time, but it wasn’t something Seth could _live_. He had his show and his writing and a million other projects on the backburner, he’d been a boring and absentee husband and he was sure that wouldn’t have changed even if they _had_ stayed together. Of course there would always be things to wonder about, but that didn’t mean they had to have regrets. They’d come to their conclusion together.  
  
Still, there was a small ache in Seth’s heart when he noticed all the small changes in Stefon and remembered that he hadn’t been a part of those transformations.  
  
Seth forgot about taking notes as he watched Stefon immersed in the world around him. His body moved in time with the music and Seth couldn’t take his eyes away from him. There was something a bit different about Stefon that Seth couldn’t place.  
  
Seth watched in slow-motion as someone came to wrap their hands around Stefon’s hips. Seth’s reaction was visceral and compelled him to move across the dance floor and yank Stefon away. “Let’s go to the next place.”  
  
Stefon looked surprised but he didn’t argue. He left Seth pull him back to the table and then took Seth’s phone when he handed it to him.  
  
Stefon’s face changed when he read the next stop.  
  
“I don’t want to go there tonight.”  
  
The words shocked Seth because in all the time he knew Stefon, he never once opted out of a club. It didn’t matter what kind of club, he was always happy to go and was always on the list. This was a first and Seth didn’t know how to react. “But it’s on my list,” he said blankly because it was the only thing he could think to say.  
  
“I’ll get you _on_ the list,” Stefon said, not looking in Seth’s eyes, “But I’m not going and I don’t think you should either.”  
  
“What kind of place is it?”  
  
“Boring. Like a goth tavern.”  
  
It sounded like something Stefon would _like_.  
  
But Goth tavern sounded pretty tame compared to the rest of their evening. “You don’t want to go because it’s boring?”  
  
“No, I don’t want to go with _you_.”  
  
Seth didn’t understand it, but the way Stefon said it made him feel very defensive. He knew that he probably wasn’t Stefon’s first choice of club partner, never had been, but he had thought he was doing pretty well. They’d won the Tittish Bake Off hadn’t they? Other than Melvin, Seth had been having a good time. CROW was one of the places he’d written down as wanting to check out and now he was feeling stubborn. “Fine, I’ll go alone.”  
  
Stefon looked hesitant for a second, as if he was surprised that Seth wasn’t caving to peer pressure. “Fine, do whatever you want.” Stefon took out his phone and texted someone. “There, you’re on the list,” he said and then walked back into the throng of people on the floor.  
  
Seth watched him go with all sorts of mixed feelings. On the one hand he knew he should be grateful to Stefon for all he’d done tonight and for agreeing to this in the first place. Seth also knew that this had been something that would test them both. He knew that it wouldn’t be _easy_ to see Stefon after all this time, but he didn’t think he’d be this hurt by Stefon opting out of going to the last place with him.  
  
It took him way too long to get a cab again but he finally made it to CROW. It was a goth bar alright and seemed to be completely lowkey. There were no screaming bats or human spiders, it was just a quiet, dark tavern where the patrons were dressed in 90s goth fashion. He couldn’t figure out why Stefon would have been so insistent on staying away.  
  
He heard the chime of the bell but he didn’t turn around. That was a mistake because the next thing he knew, he was on the floor with a bleeding lip.  
  
“What are you doing here?” An angry Anderson Cooper in eyeliner demanded.  
  
Seth stared up at him in shock. And for a second he was also angry that Stefon hadn’t at least _warned_ him who would be there.  
  
Seth held his hands out in self-defense, “I didn’t come here for a fight. I didn’t know… I didn’t think I’d know anybody here.”  
  
Cooper narrowed his eyes but seemed to accept Seth’s premise. Seth was reminded that Cooper had always been a reasonable and understanding guy. Up until Seth had stolen his fiance only to leave Stefon a few months later.  
  
Cooper hauled him to his feet and took the stool next to Seth’s. “I’m sorry about that. But I think you deserved at least one punch. To make us even.”  
  
They’d punched each other in the face in equal amounts now. Seth nodded and dabbed at his lip with a napkin. “You’re right.”  
  
Cooper ordered them two Bloody Marys.  
  
“I didn’t take you for a ‘The Cure’ type of guy,” Seth said, trying to keep the atmosphere light because it was a habit he’d always had even after people began paying him to be funny.  
  
“You always did seem like the type of guy who took things at face value.”  
  
Seth recognized it for the insult it was, but he felt it was more than deserved.  
  
“Do you still talk to Stefon?” Seth asked even though he was disappointed in himself for doing so.  
  
“Sometimes,” Cooper answered and Seth did his best to quell the uncomfortable swelling of something in his chest, “He comes by here once a month or so. I heard about your break-up when it happened.”  
  
Seth swallowed and nodded. He wondered if the punch had been retaliation for the punch Seth had given him on the day he was supposed to marry Stefon, or if it had been for whatever Stefon had told him.  
  
“Do you want to know what he said?” Cooper asked.  
  
“Can I think about it first?” Seth asked. He didn’t know if he _wanted_ to know what Stefon had said about the break down of their short marriage.  
  
Cooper shrugged, “Sure.”  
  
Seth didn’t know Cooper very well. In fact, he didn’t know him at all since he was here in this bar and Seth was surprised by that, but he did feel like he knew him well enough that he wouldn’t just repeat idle or angry gossip just for the hell of it. If he was willing to tell Seth about this, it was bound to have some sort of importance.  
  
They had another drink before Seth said, “Okay, tell me.”  
  
“He said that you were one of the greatest people he’d ever met and even though you were only married for a few months, they were the best and most fun.”  
  
Seth felt his throat close up. He swallowed more whiskey to wet it. He had not been expecting that at all. He had fully expected that Stefon had been hurt and angry and had said all manner of things about him.  
  
Cooper let him stew in his surprise for a few minutes before saying, “That’s Stefon. Loyal and sweet to a fault. He never said one bad word against you even when I tried to pry it out of him on multiple occasions and under various manners of inebriation.”  
  
“Never? Not once?” Seth just couldn’t believe that. Even the most mild mannered person in the world had bad days. And they _had_ had fun, but the _most_ fun?  
  
Cooper shook his head, “He said you loved each other but just weren’t brave enough to try and make it work through the rough spots.”  
  
The truth twisted like a knife inside Seth’s chest. It had never been that they didn’t love each other, but Seth had gotten scared and decided to walk away instead of doing anything that would have taken some effort. Stefon had let him. Stefon could have fought him, argued with him, they could have had screaming matches instead of the icy stand offs, which were sometimes worse. They could have gotten through those first bad days if they’d been willing to listen to each other and work. But in the end, they’d both just given up instead. It had just seemed easier, and in a lot of ways it had been.  
  
But a horrible, dark, ugly feeling was crawling its way through Seth’s mind and heart and he knew what it was. Regret. Why had he decided that Stefon wasn’t worth the discomfort? Why had he let him go instead of fighting for something he desperately wanted? Sure, it had seemed easy at the time, but the healing had taken ages. They’d ended with a whimper, but it had lingered for seemingly forever. Seth hadn’t dated for two whole years because everyone just seemed so boring after Stefon.  
  
But there were still several things that had played large factors in their eventual separation.  
  
“Does he blame me?” Seth asked.  
  
“Of course not,” Cooper answered, “Do you blame _him_?”  
  
Seth felt that sometimes he did. “There were certain things… like the drinking and drugs.”  
  
Cooper snickered into his glass, “He’s been sober for two years.”  
  
Seth felt that horrible feeling spread out again. Now that he thought about it, Stefon hadn’t drunk a thing all night and everywhere they went, people had said how much they'd 'missed' him, like he doesn't come around so much anymore. It had been one of those things they _hadn’t_ talked or fought about when maybe they should have. Seth had never asked Stefon to face his dependencies because he’d already convinced himself that Stefon wouldn’t hear him out. But he hadn’t tried, he hadn’t even thought about what _Stefon_ thought about it. That maybe he’d wanted some change too. That maybe he’d have been open to staying in sometimes. They’d spent their short marriage trying not to step on each other’s toes and in the end decided to give up without even an honest discussion.  
  
“You never talked about the problems in your relationship. And I have a feeling you both felt the same way about most of them.”  
  
Seth downed the last of his drink. “Can I ask you something? And you can either answer or punch me again.”  
  
Cooper nodded his head.  
  
“In your honest opinion, do you think we could have worked?”  
  
Cooper downed his drink as if he didn’t want to be anywhere near sober to give his answer.  
  
  
The cameras were rolling and Seth had a monolouge to deliver. But it wasn’t the one he had planned.  
  
"A week ago, I went on an all-night bar hop to New York City’s hottest clubs. I learned a lot along the way. For example, I learned that a blue light, in certain circumstances means DO NOT ENTER while red means ‘come on in’. I learned there are so many secrets and tricks and wonders to this city that I had never noticed or known about before. I also learned things about myself. I learned that I panic when there’s something I don’t understand and that my patience isn’t what I thought it was in situations that are unexpected and strange. I learned that I take things at face value and don’t appreciate what lies underneath."  
  
"What I wanted to write was something true and strange and exclusive. There are so many people out there who want the information I now have but I only have it because of one person. A person who agreed to help me when he would have been completely justified in refusing. Someone who is kind and non-judgemental and who invited me into his world four years ago even though I wasn’t worthy or ready."  
  
"I wanted the night to evolve into something I could write about, a rarely seen side of our beloved city. Instead, I learned that I’ve always been a victim of my own cowardice. I think most of you know what I’m talking about and I didn’t plan on doing this on TV, but since most of the rest was all on air, I figured it was appropriate. This was going to be a love letter to New York City, to the places I had never been before and the places I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to go back to, it was supposed to be a commentary on the things I love and the things that scare me about living in this glorious place. I still think that’s all true, but this is also a Post-Scrip to a love that I squandered and wasted."  
  
"I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but Stefon, if you’re listening, I never stopped loving you."  
  
  
Hours later Seth was still in his dressing room because he couldn’t stand the thought of going home. He replayed a memory in his head of when he and Stefon had argued about decorating their living room and what qualified as ‘art’. It seemed so stupid now. Why had they let those small things turn into such big things? And now Seth’s apartment was plain and boring with muted colours and sometimes he tried to think about what his life would have been like if he’d been more compromising, more courageous. What was wrong with a little colour? Or with Stefon’s weird almost-pornographic art prints?  
  
What was he doing? They had both moved on, even when it had seemed hard. They had made one giant step toward maybe becoming friends again and Seth had ruined that with his stupid, honest monologue.  
  
There was a knock on the door and Seth guessed it was the cleaning crew, trying to get him to leave soon. “Yeah, I’m almost done here.”  
  
The door opened and Seth jumped to his feet. Stefon was twirling one of the rings on his fingers and biting his bottom lip the way he did when he was nervous.  
  
“Come in,” Seth tried to keep the awe from his voice but failed. Even while he had decided to reach out to Stefon via TV segment, he hadn’t allowed himself to fully hope Stefon would respond. He hadn’t really thought about what he would do if he did. It had just seemed so vital to reach out, he hadn’t dared to imagine Stefon might reach back. He just didn’t want to live thinking he didn’t at least _try_.  
  
Seth didn’t know what to say. He was happy but scared. Everything seemed suddenly so delicate. One wrong word and this whole thing could be for nothing.  
  
“I’m sorry I ditched you last week,” Stefon said, still fidgeting with his ring.  
  
“I understand why you did. You could have told me Cooper would be there.”  
  
Stefon stared at the floor, “Yeah, sorry.”  
  
“You could have saved me a punch in the face.”  
  
Stefon’s head shot up and he moved the two steps into Seth’s personal space, “He hit you?” he sounded outraged and he took Seth’s chin in his fingers, moving his face to see any damage.  
  
Seth didn’t move away, “I’m fine,” he said softly, “I think we’re even now.” His eyes were bright as he watched the way Stefon worried over him.  
  
Stefon seemed to realize what he was doing and let go of Seth abruptly. He took a step back.  
  
They were quiet for a moment. Seth replayed what he and Anderson Cooper had talked about. Cooper had basically voiced everything that Seth had always been too afraid to admit. That he’d made a mistake. He hadn’t deserved Stefon back then and he wasn’t one hundred percent sure he did now, but he wanted to try. He felt more prepared than before. It wasn’t a whim this time, it was a conscious decision.  
  
“Thank you for what you said tonight,” Stefon said slowly, Seth could sense this wasn’t going to be exactly what he hoped for, “But I’m not sure we can go back to the way we were.”  
  
Seth nodded, he kept a firm hold on his disappointment. He knew that Stefon showing up was too good to be true.  
  
“But I want to be friends,” Stefon said carefully.  
  
Seth nodded again. He was determined to be an adult about this. If friendship was all that was on the table, he wasn’t really in a position to complain. It would take some getting used to, but he wanted this. He really did. He wanted Stefon back in his life in whatever form Stefon was comfortable with.  
  
“Okay,” Seth said, “I… I can do that.”  
  
Stefon looked relieved and Seth felt like a jerk.  
  
“I shouldn’t have called you out on TV.”  
  
Stefon shook his head, “I guess we’re even now,” after a pause he added, “I thought I was hallucinating at first.”  
  
“You’ve been clean for two years,” Seth pointed out, “Cooper told me.”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“That’s…” Seth wasn’t quite sure what an appropriate reaction would be, what would make him sound supportive but not condescending, “Great?”  
  
Stefon stifled a laugh, “Thanks.”  
  
Stefon seemed to relax a little, he glanced at the clock, “Are you hungry?”  
  
Seth sighed, “God yes, I haven’t eaten since six.”  
  
Stefon raised an eyebrow, “Wow, who’s been taking care of you?”  
  
Seth felt his cheeks heat a little. It sort of sounded like Stefon was asking if he was single. “Just interns.”  
  
“Fire them.”  
  
Seth laughed as he grabbed his coat. “Pizza? Pasta?”  
  
“Both.”  
  
Seth nodded and reined in the urge to put an arm around Stefon the way he used to four years ago. They walked down to the elevator, making easy conversation. To Seth this felt a lot like coming home. But he had to remember that things were different now. And just because this felt nostalgic, like they were still married and inseparable, didn’t mean they could go back.  
  
When the elevator doors closed, Seth had been about to make a joke about something when Stefon’s lips were suddenly against his. Seth stared, unblinkingly in amusement and shock until Stefon backed away again. “What happened to being friends?” Seth asked, a smile spreading across his face, despite his efforts.  
  
Stefon shrugged and stared off to the side, avoiding eye contact. “It was haaarrd.”  
  
Seth put his hands on Stefon’s waist, the way he’d wanted to since he’d first seen him again, leaning against the club wall waiting, “It lasted three minutes.” He was grinning and physically restraining himself from shoving Stefon against the elevator wall.  
  
Stefon moved into his touch and Seth felt his heart thump in his chest the way it hadn’t thumped for anyone in four years.  
  
“We tried,” Seth pointed out, “There’s no shame in failure.”  
  
He had meant the ‘friends’ thing from three minutes ago, but he also sort of meant everything before too. Their marriage, their divorce, everything.  
  
“What if we fail again?” Stefon said quietly.  
  
“We might. Apparently we’re really good at it.”  
  
Stefon gave him a small smile.  
  
Seth leaned up, just a bit to kiss him properly. Kissing Stefon really did feel like coming home.  
  
“At least we won’t fail in the same way?”  
  
Stefon nodded sagely, “New and improved failure. I like it.”  
  
The elevator pinged on the ground floor and the doors opened.  
  
Seth took Stefon’s hand. He stoutly ignored the way his hand trembled just a little when he did. This felt real. This felt good. But he also felt like he needed to keep this from getting too heavy too fast. They’d done the fast thing, this time, he wanted them to go slow. “So Melvin really hates me, huh?”  
  
“Oh yeah,” Stefon snickered into his sleeve, “He is not going to be happy about this. You’ll have to woo him. My suggestion is costume jewelry and ball gowns.”  
  
Seth sighed, but couldn’t keep the grin from his face.  
  
This felt like the beginning of a good dream.


End file.
